My reality? My feet planted on the hospital floor. Today is day 20. Dad's in the ICU still. I'm not visiting for an hour here or there. On good days, I sit there for 5-6 hours. People lose track of time in the ICU. Looking at the same scenery all day every day...it's hard and you start to lose track of things. We know that eventually, when he moves out of the ICU, his mental alertness will start to come back. Heart surgery was last Wednesday...we're still in ICU. Slow goings. Everyone is upset.
We have a very small family here locally. On holidays it is just the 5 of us usually...so you can imagine our melancholy day yesterday with one of our members alone in the ICU as we hid a few eggs for Kate. See, Kate's not allowed in the ICU. She is too young. Anger comes over me sometimes when I see people posting all day long about the fun things they are doing; with the ways they are celebrating..the blog posts with the beautifully set tables.. you know.. it makes me wonder. How much of this is really REAL?
I mean REAL.
I think the word on the street is that people will read your blog if is it a happy place. Entertainment. Eye Candy. You can get your happy blog in a magazine, right? People will read your blog if there are beautiful pictures of art. Right? How many times have you heard that your bitching aint going to get you anywhere?
So has that changed us? Given us a shot of Botox in the ol' blog perhaps? It aint real. It's not the truth. If your blog is happy and pretty every day...I don't buy it.
My god...SURE. I can be sitting in that hospital, cranking out journal pages with my carefully packed traveling journal kit. I can be sitting there with the nurses talking about paint and pens.. but that isn't fair. I don't think so anyway. I have to focus on my dad. Focus on lifting his spirits and seeing him get better. I can't take one selfish moment for myself in a time like this. When he naps, I iPhone. That's it.
I know I can turn it all off. Disconnect. But the truth is that this small moment is my escape. It's mindless to cruise the status updates on my phone. But I wonder....a lot.. what is all this happy go lucky B.S. doing to society? Hiding the dirty laundry...always...is that healthy? Keeping up with your happy neighbor because they are always happy...is that true to who you are?
Well? Be real.